A post-break up guide for fully releasing relationships, career, old habits or patterns and experiencing true freedom.
The Breaking Up
Saying no to this means saying yes to something else.
Breaking up with a person, place, thing or situation usually comes from a struggling with a relationship and coming to a decision that it is no longer something you want in your life. You finally decide to say no to the relationship with the hopes of saying yes to something better.
We don’t only break up with people, we also break up with jobs, career paths, financial situations, places, food, habits, self-image and self-treatment and other non-serving patterns. When we do break up it is important to gain the much needed clarity on why we created or chose that relationship into our life, as well as clear the old relationship FULLY from our lives on all levels; mind, body, emotions, thoughts and spirit.
If you don’t gain the clarity and clearing you need more likely than not, you will draw in the same thing energetically again. This may come in different exterior wrapping. It may even be in a different category. For example, you break up with a lover only to draw in the same energy, pattern and cycle into your career.
If you want to be done with the relationship and free from it for good, here is a simple guide!
What Is a Relationship?
All relationships take time, energy, focus & intention.
A relationship is a connection and intimate interconnection that we create with many different things; people, food, places, habits, etc. In order to have a relationship with something or someone it takes time, energy, focus (attention) and intentionality (intentional thoughts & actions). We can’t be in a relationship with someone or something we are not investing our thoughts, our action (our time) or our energy in. Intentionality is ‘with purpose’ or having a higher purpose to the relationship. You may have been consciously aware of your purpose for a relationship or you may not have been consciously aware of it, but I promise you there was a higher purpose at play. The higher purpose is ‘the reason’ you got into the relationship. Whether that was to experience happiness, love, safety, security, stability, fun, health, comfort or a slew of many other potential higher purposes, be sure that there is one behind the relationship you are breaking up with.
THE HIGHER PURPOSE IS ALWAYS FOR YOUR GREATER GOOD!
Always, always and always! You may think that that abusive relationship or that horrible job or even that food binging issue is due to you being a failure, broken, weak or messed up. It’s not! It is simply feedback for you that the strategy you were running in order to achieve your higher purpose was not effective! So put the bat down and let’s move on to how to find an effective strategy.
Creating a new and effective strategy to achieving the higher purpose of what the relationship was created to fulfill begins with clarity and clearing!
Clarity comes when we are empowered and gain clear understanding.
Until you get clear on the following things most people will simply recreate the same undesired relationship as they move forward:
- What is the higher purpose (what did you want the relationship to fulfill or add to your life)?
- Get clear on if your strategy for achieving that higher purpose was a positive strategy (meaning, did doing the things you did in that relationship and with the person, place or thing you were in the relationship with create or fulfill that higher purpose?)
- Come up with a new, better and more effective strategy to achieve the higher purpose
Emotions, thoughts, habits & energy need to be cleared to fully release & move forward.
Let’s acknowledge for a moment that transition can be challenging. When we let go of something we may make a decision & remove ourselves from the thing or relationship but the energy of it may get stuck and linger causing negative emotions, lack of energy, confusion and worst of all attracting the same exact thing into our lives again.
So how can you clear a relationship?
Clearing needs to take place on all levels in order to be a full and complete clearing that will allow you the freedom to fully move forward and create something different. This means clearing physically, emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually & energetically. Below are some simple tips on how to do this.
Emotional clearing consists of clearing negative emotions, attachments to negative emotions both with the person or people, places, things or situations that are attached or associated to the break up (the relationship itself, people and things attached to the relationship, etc.). Emotional clearing also includes clearing the emotions about yourself that have to do with the situation or person you are breaking up with, the break up itself.
Here are a few steps to emotional clearing:
- Acknowledge It
People spend so much time and energy avoiding or suppressing their emotions. This only causes the emotions to become buried and stuck. Make no mistake, stuck emotions create illness and problems in all aspects of life. We are designed to experience emotions; it is part of being a human being. So acknowledge how you are truly feeling. Honor those emotions versus avoiding them. This will ready you to process them and release them. Use a journal or a trustworthy and non-judgmental friend as a sounding board.
- Process It
Processing your emotions means intentionally creating the time and space to feel them. Meditate and allow them to rise up to the surface and flow freely. Don’t try to stop your emotions, try to be with them.
- Release It
Just rolling around in negative emotions is not healthy and will actually magnify the emotions. It is important to get them up and out of the body and your entire being. You can do this through movement, exercise, creativity and sharing them in a safe way with a safe person.
Mental clearing consists of shifting your thought patterns about yourself, the thing your breaking up with and any situations attached to the person or thing you are breaking up with and also any projected thoughts (these are future based that have not happened yet, these are negative thoughts about the future).
Here are a few steps to mental clearing:
Become aware of your thought life and thought patterns. Many people let their thoughts drive their emotions and actions unintentionally. This causes people to go wherever their thoughts lead them. You are in control of your mind and therefor can clear your thought patterns and create new healthy thought patterns. Try starting a ‘thought journal’. This will help you track and become aware of your thought life and thought patterns.
Start to intentionally invest in your thought life, choose where and how you spend your thoughts. This doesn’t mean not ever having negative thoughts, but it does mean that when you do have them you don’t allow yourself to get swept away with them and end up running around and around with them. Make good thought choices one thought at a time.
- Build a Relationship (with your thought patterns)
Any good relationship takes love, time, attention and focus. Begin a relationship with your thoughts and build a healthy and higher serving thought life. Invest some time in thinking on and about the things that serve you such as dreaming, vision casting and the things you want to experience and create such as a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
Physical clearing clears the body and the physical world around you of the old relationship.
When people think of the physical aspects of themselves they mostly think of their bodies. But the physical aspects also include your physical world, the things that you have or do not have around you and the things that you tangibly create.
Here are a few steps to physical clearing:
- Spring Cleaning
Out with the old, in with the new. Let go of anything in your physical world that no longer serves you. Look around you and notice what is within your physical body or surrounding you in your physical world. If those things are attached to the old relationship or do not bring you joy, let them go! That means un-invite them from your life and get rid of them!
- Physical Care
Slow down and take good and gentle care of yourself physically as well as all of the physical things around you. This is a time to nurture yourself and the physical things in your life, so give yourself permission to up your self-care game.
- Time & space
Allow time for the residue to wear off. Give yourself permission to just be for a bit. Don’t jump into another relationship. Don’t jump into a fad diet, hardcore nutrition or fitness plan, take on a new lover or love interest, job or career. Just be here now for a little while. Once you have fully cleared and given yourself this time and space you will be free to create more balanced things through effective and loving actions.
Spiritual clearing consists of deepening your connection with yourself, community, the world (the earth) and the higher source you believe in. It also consists of getting re-aligned with your true and higher self.
Here are a few steps to spiritual clearing:
- Connect with yourself
Be with yourself. Create the time and space to connect with yourself in a true, meaningful and intimate way. Do this in a way that works for you and helps you feel connected. This may take some trial and error, so experiment and see what works best for you. This can be as simple as focusing on your breath and closing your eyes, meditating, doing yoga or journaling.
- Connect with the world
Be with the world, with the earth, with nature. Create the time and space to connect with the world around you in a true, meaningful and intimate way. Do this in a way that works for you and helps you feel connected. This also may take some trial and error, so experiment and see what works best for you. It can be as simple as taking a walk in nature, noticing and enjoying a beautiful surrounding or volunteering to clean up a park or finding a way to reduce your footprint.
- Connect with community
Be with community. Create the time and space to connect with people round you and create or participate in community in a true, meaningful and intimate way. Do this in a way that works for you and helps you feel connected. Again, this also may take some trial and error, so experiment and see what works best for you. It can be as simple as taking a yoga class, sitting at an outdoor café and striking up conversations, hosting a potluck dinner, connecting with friends or family or partaking in a community form of spirituality or spiritual worship expression.
- Connect with Source
Be with your God. Create the time and space to connect with Source, God, Higher Power or whatever your beliefs connect you with. This can even be connecting with the feeling and expression of love. Make sure you do this in a meaningful and intimate way, one that feels right for you. Connection to beliefs without true alignment, authentic worship or expression is dead and creates no spiritual clearing or growth, it is simply posturing. So do this in a way that works for you and helps you feel connected versus what you think you ‘should’ do. This also may take some trial and error, so experiment and see what works best for you. It can be as simple as praying, meditating on love, participating in a community worship experience or even sitting down and just talking and connecting with God.
Energetic clearing occurs when we are able to change the frequency of our personal energy as well as unclog and release the old energy.
Once we have energetically cleared the old relationship, we no longer are ‘playing the tune’ of the old relationship and the things attached to that. It means that we are now operating or putting out a different frequency. This also means you will create and attract different things. You will now attract and create relationships based on your new frequency.
Here are a few steps to energetic clearing:
- Become aware of your energy
Our energy has subtle and not so subtle feelings and shifts. Begin bringing your awareness to meet these and notice your energy and personal frequency. Are you amped up, feeling unable to sit and be, calm, peaceful, angry… these may be words to describe emotions however energy is not easily definable. Energy is something that is. It exists in and around you. Energy can be connected with and experienced with more awareness. Invest in becoming aware of your personal energy. Experiment and see what works for you.
- Set an intention
There’s a great saying ‘where intention (or conscious focus) goes, energy flows’. Set an intention and begin to feel how your energy shifts as you hold this intention throughout the space of a week or so.
- Create a ritual
There are thousands of energy clearing rituals and the ones that work are the ones that create a ritual or ceremony that feels right for you. This could be sagging, getting energy work done, self-clearing energy work, Reiki, one of my or another practitioners guided visualizations or any other sacred ritual. The important thing is to create and practice that ritual with the intention of connecting with your higher self and Source or God along with the intention of clearing your personal energy of anything that doesn’t serve you or may be stuck within your energetic field. Again, there are thousands of ways to do this; you should pick one that you feel comfortable and safe trying. You can be as ‘normal’ and grounded or as creatively ‘out there’ as you desire, so make your energy clearing ritual personalized to you.
Human beings are strong and resilient. We are all able to shift, re-build, re-invent and transform our lives. Even when difficulties arise we are able to learn, heal and grow. Remember, that even during this transition, you are whole and resourceful! You need only to return to this wholeness through balanced intentional steps, self-love and self-care!
May you clear what needs to be cleared so that you may create that which serves you more!