Detoxing Your Home… Even On A Budget

By Dr. Rachel Eva Dew, Doctor of Natural Medicine and Courtney Schank, Interior Designer and Healthy Lifestyle Consultant 

We spend so much time, energy, money and attention detoxing our bodies, but what about our homes? There are hidden toxins all around us that negatively impact our health the same way that toxic foods do. This is why we teamed up to provide you a guide to detoxing your home both practically and aesthetically!

Below is our one hour talk on home detox and under that, all the details and links we discussed.

Within this guide you will find simple tips and tricks for detoxing your home, even on a budget, as well as some of our favorite brands and resources. We will provide links to recipes and products towards the end of this blog.

Let’s dive in…

Top 6 Tips For Detoxing Your Home:

  1. Clean air! Improper ventilation, mold, dust and toxins from candles, building materials, pets and off-gassing from your furniture and paint can cause your air to be damaging to you.
  2. Ditch toxic cleaning products – opt for non-toxic ones or even DIY’s 
  3. Replace toxic kitchen ware and cooking utensils
  4. Replace plastic with glass – from storing your water, to your food, eliminating plastic eliminates toxins and carcinogens
  5. Drink and bathe in clean, filtered water
  6. Begin replacing toxic furniture and bedding

Clean Air

While we both highly recommend air filters and purifiers, there are some additional things that should be done in order to keep the air in your home clean and safe. Here’s how to increase clean air in your home in addition to air purifiers:

  1. Dust and deep clean frequently
  2. Open your windows in order to air out and ventilate your home
  3. Diffuse essential oils – my favorites are lavender & geranium
  4. Make your own cleaning products
  5. Use plants to clean your air! They are beautiful and effective

Best plants to purify the air: English Ivy, Pothos, Snake Plants, Spider Plants, Bamboo, Chinese Evergreen, Weeping Fig, Dragon Tree, Aloe Vera, Gerbera Daisies

Check out this blog post to see all of our favorite plants for different areas of your home – click HERE

My 2 favorite home air filter systems are – 

  1. Dyson
  2. Air Doctor

But those are fairly pricey. If you are on a budget you can get a more cost-effective air filter system such as Germ Guardian or the IonB-1000.

Clean Water

Ditch the plastic – beginning with your filter and ending with the storage container – even the pitcher systems that are BPA free still have harmful toxins and carcinogens. Store water in glass containers once filtered.

My favorite filter systems are Aquatru and for more cost effective options try filtering your water with a Brita system (usually you can find one for around $20) and then immediately store the water in glass containers.

For more options and information take a read through this BLOG

Non-Toxic Cooking

Perfluorooctanoic acid, or PFOA, a chemical formerly used in the production of nonstick pans like Teflon was highly toxic. Polytetrafluoroethylene, or PTFE, Teflon’s generic name is still used and is just one of the many toxins your body can be exposed to through your cookware. That’s where stainless steel, ceramic, enameled, or cast iron pots and pans come in as non-toxic and  great non-stick alternatives 

Here are some of my favorites:

Non-Toxic Skin

Clean skin begins with the water you shower in! Our skin is the body’s largest microbiome and toxins absorbed through the skin negatively impacts your health and the visual quality of skin. Be sure to get a water filter for your shower that will protect your skin from drinking in heavy metals such as fluoride, mercury, PCB’s, chlorine, lead, arsenic and dioxin. 

Here are a few options for shower filters ranging in price:

Non-Toxic Home

Here are some of my favorite safe, non-toxic changes to make to your home. You can find more options and information at the blog post below.

  1. Mattress: Naturepedic, Avocado, Awara, cost effective option: Live and Sleep CLASSIC2020 you can get $50 off plus a free pillow 
  2. Sheets: Plover, SOL Organics, and Coyuchi
  3. Furniture: Medley Home, InMod, and The Futon Shop
  4. Paint: Clare and ECOS
  5. Towels: Towl, Coyuchi, and SOL Organics

Learn about all of the certifications companies work towards here as well as all of our favorite brands – click HERE

Looking to make some other healthy changes to your home? Read this BLOG 

Learn how to create a meditation space in your home – click HERE

Non-Toxic Cleaning

It’s time to up-level your cleaning products. Cleaning products are notorious for having harsh toxic chemicals that are dangerous to you, your family and your pets. To read more about toxic chemicals and a full list of DIY non-toxic cleaning recipes, read Dr. Rachel’s recent blog HERE

Here are a few simple home cleaning product staples –

  • Vodka
  • Lemons
  • Apple cider vinegar
  • Castile soap
  • Baking soda
  • Lemon essential oil
  • Lavender essential oil
  • Pure unscented Castile soap

Developing A Gut Health & Care Ritual

Keep in mind that your gut health and care ritual will look different than someone else’s. What works for your gut health may not work for another person and vice versa. Give yourself permission and space to experiment in order to discover what the right balance looks like for you.

Here are some cute care ritual elements to consider trying out:

  • Stress management, stress reduction and increasing your capacity to deal with life’s stressors
  • Mindfulness
  • Meditation
  • Processing & releasing negative thought patterns and negative emotions
  • Proper hydration!!
  • Balanced intentional eating (and serving sizes)
  • Exercise
  • Gut supporting supplements 

Keep in mind that any self-care practice will not be beneficial unless you practice it with consistency. So be sure to create a balanced game plan that will work for your life and commit to that plan!

Do you love to research? Take a deep dive into the research and sources from this blog and my gut health blog series:

https://www.niddk.nih.gov/health-information/digestive-diseases/digestive-system-how-it-works

 

https://med.nyu.edu/medicine/gastro/about-us/Gastroenterology-news-archive/your-gut-feeling-healthier-digestive-system-means-healthier

 

https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/leaky-gut-what-is-it-and-what-does-it-mean-for-you-2017092212451

 

https://www.nih.gov/news-events/news-releases/nih-human-microbiome-project-defines-normal-bacterial-makeup-body

 

https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/can-gut-bacteria-improve-your-health

Prebiotics & Probiotics

Is everyone you know on the probiotic band wagon? Here’s why… they are the power houses of gut health & even your wellbeing! You may be confused about what probiotics are and what they do. You may have even heard of probiotics and now find yourself even more confused.

What is the difference between prebiotics and probiotics?

Probiotics are live (good) bacteria

Prebiotics are food that support the good bacteria in your gut, this is like fertilizer for a garden. They serve as food for the probiotics (good bacteria). They are indigestible fibers (by humans) that are fermented (by bacteria) along the GI tract.

Do you need both? Yes! They both work together and support the human body’s production and maintenance of healthy bacteria and microorganisms.

Foods rich in prebiotics

  • Asparagus
  • Bananas
  • Apples
  • Oat Groats (whole), and steel-Cut Oats
  • Dandelion Greens
  • Flaxseed
  • Leeks
  • Garlic

Foods rich in probiotics

  • Sauerkraut
  • Pickles
  • Pickled beets
  • Kombucha
  • Yogurt
  • Acidophilus Milk
  • Kimchi
  • Kefir

May your gut be filled with health and proper amounts of both pre and probiotics!

In Wellness,

Dr. Rachel

Foods That Support Gut Health

Nutrition plays a HUGE role in your gut health and overall wellness of your microbiome. The saying ‘food is medicine’ is true AND good food is great preventative medicine!

Here is a little cheat sheet for good foods (and drinks) for your gut –

  • Probiotics & Prebiotics through foods and supplementation
  • Raw Green Fibrous Veggies
  • Fermented Foods
  • Water, Water & More Water
  • Prebiotics Rich Foods; Bananas, Asparagus and Artichoke
  • Polyphenols Rich Foods; Olive Oil, Berries, Nuts & Green Tea
  • Pineapple – For digestive enzyme properties
  • Peppermint – For digestive properties

Since gut health is dependent on your unique microbiome, be sure to listen to your body when it comes to food choices. Using my Wellness Journal Template can be helpful in tracking what works and does not work for YOUR body. You can download that template within the FREE Cleanse & Create 30-Day Whole Person Wellness & Detox Program. Visit cleanseandcreate.com to enroll!

In Wellness,

Dr. Rachel

The Mind-Emotion-Gut Connection

Science is FINALLY catching up to ancient health and wellness knowledge used for thousands of years to both prevent and cure illness and disease. This new paradigm for health has been coined the mind-body movement. Yet, it is only partially beginning to express the deep connection between the mind and the body. We now know that there is a mind-body-emotion connection that impacts our health and wellbeing.

Our mind and our internal thought life create thoughts and thought patterns that then begin to be experienced in the body as emotions. These thoughts and emotions then manifest or materialize within the body impacting health on a cellular level.

Negative thoughts and emotions cause acidity which leads to an imbalance in proper gut function, causes inflammation and a decrease in overall gut health. Since we know that gut health is directly linked to the health of numerous other systems and organ function within the body such as the brain, immune system and entire digestive system function, working towards healing negative thought patterns and processing as well as clearing negative emotions has a powerful impact!

Most of us do not learn effective ways to address our internal landscape, both negative thoughts and negative emotions. This is why taking accountability and seeking to learn new tools and techniques will empower your future health.

When our gut is out of balance it begins to not only negatively effect our physical health but also mental and emotional health. So the cycle of negative thoughts-negative emotions-gut imbalances ends up spinning out of control and feeding the continuation of this cycle which can lead to or trigger symptoms of anxiety and depressions.

If you struggle with mental and emotional health issues, please get the support you need from a professional and also look deeper into your nutrition and gut health as well.

In Wellness,

Dr. Rachel

Ways to Reduce Your Environmental Toxins

We live it a world filled with environmental toxins. They are all around us, in the products we use, the food we eat and the air we breathe. So how do we reduce enough to make an impact on our lives and our health without living in a bubble?

Since we can’t do anything to make the air quality better in this instant, it’s about reducing the biggest toxins that we are CHOOSING while also reducing our foot-print so that we contribute to a better and less-toxic tomorrow. That’s right, every time we buy a product or order food we are literally making a choice.

Many of us have given up on trying to figure out what all the crazy ingredients listed on the back even mean or feel overwhelmed by all of the toxic things that are potentially in our food, water and products that they are not transparent about or that we feel we have no control over. That is correct. We do not have control over cutting ALL environmental toxins out of our lives. So let’s focus on the simple and easily accessible fixes.

Before we dive into these solutions, let me give you a brief idea WHY it is hugely important to invest some energy into this endeavor first.

Environmental toxins are the harmful elements found in air, food and products we use. These negatively impact or mental and physical health.

‘Like most complex diseases, cancer results not from a single flawed gene, but rather the interplay of multiple genes and any accumulated damage to DNA caused by environmental factors such as exposure to chemicals, or aspects of lifestyle, such as smoking’ – Amy Roeder, Harvard Public Health.

‘More than two decades of research has shown that air pollution can trigger heart attacks, strokes, and irregular heart rhythms, particularly in people who have or are at risk for heart disease’ – Deepak Bhatt, MD, MPH.

‘Put simply, what you eat directly affects the structure and function of your brain and, ultimately, your mood. If your brain is deprived of good-quality nutrition, or if free radicals or damaging inflammatory cells are circulating within the brain’s enclosed space, further contributing to brain tissue injury, consequences are to be expected’ – Eva Selhub, MD.

*All quotes above are from a conference at Harvard Medical School called Taking It All In: Environmental toxins and your health. You can read the full transcripts HERE.

Here are some impacts you may personally be experiencing from environmental toxin exposure –

Here are some simple steps you can begin taking now in order to reduce the environmental toxins you are being exposed to (and effected by) daily…

  1. Shop organic foods at farmer’s markets
  2. Avoid foods & products in plastic
  3. Switch to organic & natural beauty products that come in glass containers
  4. Switch to using organic non-toxic makeup
  5. Switch to natural non-toxic cleaning products
  6. Diffuse essential oils to clean the air (Lavender oil or OnGuard from Dottera – you can get them HERE)
  7. Store foods and drinks in glass containers
  8. Filter ALL your water (for cooking, drinking & showering)
  9. Use an air purifier
  10. Eat organic non-GMO whole foods
  11. Carry your water in a non-toxic bottle (glass is best)
  12. Ditch the toxic deodorant & switch to a natural, non-toxic one (Read my blog review of the current ones on the market HERE)

 

To see some of my favorite non-toxic products, click HERE

At the end of the day it is all about making progress in a balanced way! Try not to get bogged down and overwhelmed. Taking one step to reduce one toxin from your life is better than none. Start where you are and move forward from there.

In Wellness,

Should Armpit Detoxing Be the Next Fad?!?

DETOXING INFO Plus… Natural Deodorant Review & Detox

My top favorites AND a simple under arm detox and care routine that will boost your immune system!

But first, why consider armpit detoxing at all? Why is it INCREDIBLY important to both detox your under arm lymph nodes AND make a permanent switch to a natural and non-toxic form of under arm deodorants, like yesterday?

First you need to get to know your pits a bit… we have so many lymph nodes just under the surface of our arm pit area and these little lymph’s have the job of fighting off infections. Lymph nodes pull out toxins and secrete them out of the body. When our under arm lymph nodes are continually coated with toxins like aluminum or blocked from sweating out the toxins they can become blocked and the toxins build up.

‘The lymphatic system is one of the body’s primary tools for fighting infection. This system contains lymph fluid and lymph nodes, which occur in critical areas in the body. Cancer cells sometimes enter and build up in the lymph system.

Lymph nodes are responsible for filtering lymph fluid and detecting chemical changes that signal an infection is present. When these filter points are in the armpit, doctors call them axillary lymph nodes.

As axillary lymph nodes are near the breasts, they are often the first location to which breast cancer spreads if it moves beyond the breast tissue.

The number of axillary lymph nodes can vary from person to person, ranging from five nodes to more than 30.’ – Rachel Nall, RN, BSN, CCRN

Here are is my self-care routine to keep your under arm’s stink free while also stimulating your under arm lymph nodes to work optimally in order to increase your immune system, fight off illness and decrease the risk of cancer.

PIT-CARE & DETOX ROUTINE

#1 Go Non-Toxic – Switch to an organic, non-toxic deodorant (see my review and recommendations below)

#2 Exfoliate – A full body exfoliation is an amazing detoxer for all skin & helps with lymphatic drainage as well. Exfoliate in the shower 2-3 times per week – I like using exfoliating mits, find them HERE

#3 Dry Brush – Use a dry brush weekly to stimulate lymphatic drainage – don’t have a dry brush? Get my favorite one HERE

#4 Sweat It Out! Hit the gym and get your sweat on or sit in a steam room or dry sauna for 20-40 minutes

#5 Armpit Detox – Detoxing the lymph nodes is hugely important! I use this under arm detox with the built in roller for additional lymphatic massage, I call it Lymph Rescue and you can purchase it HERE or you can simply mix activated charcoal, bentonite clay, apple cider vinegar and coconut or Argan oil – coat your underarms with it and let it soak in for about 30-45 minute and then wipe with a moist HOT towel – be sure to use a dark towel to avoid the charcoal staining the towel.

#6 Massage – Get a lymphatic massage or try an Ayurvedic Abhyanga self-massage

#7 Switch Your Soap – Skip toxic deodorant soaps with chemicals and fragrances– Opt for organic and clean non-toxic soaps, this means you should recognize ALL the ingredients and they should be natural. Use an organic all natural non-toxic soap that does not have perfumes in it. If you like scented soaps make sure they are scented with 100% pure essential oils. You can find some good options at Whole Foods and check out the ones I use HERE or I love these ones infused with essential oils HERE

Ok, Drum roll please….

I have been testing natural deodorants for over 4 years, including homemade options. Yup, this long experiment has been a challenging one, but I feel so strongly about this that it was worth it in order to share my results with every single one of you! All in all, over the years I have tested over 100 different natural and non-toxic deodorant options. I am not going to list them all, only the winners and a review of a few popular ones on the market today.

DEODERANT REVIEW

Over the last few years I have tested and compared over 50 different types of natural, organic and non-toxic deodorants. I like to circle back around and re-test every once in a while to see if new and better cleaner options (for my body and for the environment) have been released. Here is my top reviewed deodorant products of 2019 along with the products pro’s and cons:

#1 – First Place Winner – Schmidt – Charcoal & Magnesium

In theory this one is my favorite because of all of the additional health and detox benefits that you get from the charcoal and magnesium. However, slight warning, it is a tad stickier then my #2 pick below so if slight stickiness really bugs you go with #2. This one smells great, works and helps detox you as well as give your body a much needed magnesium boost… for anyone who has ANY stress in life, this is very beneficial. You can buy it HERE

#2 – Second Place Winner – Milk & Honey – Coconut Lemongrass

Absolutely the best so far for performance. It gives dry pits and a non-sticky feeling. Excellent odor protection. Clean ingredients. Gentle on the skin. You can buy it HERE

#3 – Third Place Winner – Dottera

I absolutely love the Doterra products because of the non-toxic ingredients, ethical sourcing and plethora of research and transparency they provide on each product. The deodorants smell amazing since they are infused with high quality and locally sources essential oils. You can buy it HERE

Other deodorants tested…

Lume – Jasmine Rose

Somewhat stickier then others but worked for 24 hours and smells good! Buy it HERE

Love, Beauty & Planet – Argan Oil & Lavender

Sticky and stays sticky but works moderately. Leaves a coating on the skin – be sure to exfoliate after using this product. Buy it HERE

Crystal – unscented solid mineral stick

This is one that I REALLY wanted to work because I do not typically like stick deodorants because of the stickiness. I tried this product multiple times of a 2-year period. I kept circling back hoping it would work, it didn’t AT ALL L

Everyman Jack – Cedarwood

Do not recommend – thumbs down, to sticky and only hides the funk, aka covers it up.

The Healthy Deodorant – Vanilla Lavender (sold at Whole Foods)

Do not recommend. I SO wanted this one to be excellent, but it was less than excellent for sure. Did not keep odor away at all.

Native – Coconut & Vanilla (has some chemicals)

Moist but not sticky at first application. Nice scent but less clean ingredients than other competitors, still non-toxic. Worked somewhat well keeping odor away, however it did not stop me from sweating all day and getting my t-shirt wet. Buy it HERE

EO Organic Deodorant – French Lavender Spray

Love that it is a spray, excellent for delicate clothes that you can’t get sticky with a roll on or stick deodorant, and has a nice scent. Does not have strong coverage but works excellently if you wash your pits once and re-spray midday and after exercise. For those who hate any form of sticky or deodorant stick, this one is your winner. Buy it HERE

Nuud

Do not recommend. Sticky and did not keep odor away, so thumbs down but major points for the mindfulness to the environment!

Tips & Tricks Transitioning to Natural

Keep in mind that everyone’s body responds differently based on your unique body chemistry and Ph balance. Because of that you may have to try a few options before you find the right product and pit-care routine that works for you.

There is also a noteworthy detox period. So imagine that you have been creating layers and layers of toxins over time, these toxins will begin to release out but will take up to 1 month to full cleanse from your body. This may add to your odor. So if you think, ‘Oh these natural deodorants make me smell worse’, it’s most likely NOT the deodorant, it’s the previous gunk that is no longer being suppressed in your body finally beginning to escape.

The pit-care self-care tips I gave above will DRAMATICALLY reduce the detox time and help you pull those toxins out!

Please note: There is also a detox period so the first week or two you may need to shower more often. Stick with it, it gets better!

The Power of Living Foods

Ever hear that saying ‘you are what you eat’? Well, there’s some truth that! Nutrition is a HUGE part of health, wellness & well-being.

What we eat is not only fuel and nutrients for the body, it provides what we need to live… it is our prevention and our medicine. Foods give us ENERGY. Not energy the way you may think of sugar or carbs giving you a boost. I am talking about actual energy, frequency or vibration. Every food has a different level of energy. Some foods have less energy and are closer to the energy level of non-living things… (yup, like a rock), while other foods are vibrant with living energy, like microgreens with their rich plant stem cells.

Now listen, I am not a fan of obsessive and limiting eating habits… I believe in BALANCE! Balance for your body and your life will look different someone else’s. So read on and see what you can apply to yourself in a way that is BALANCED FOR YOU…

When we give our bodies more living energy and higher vibrational foods we are healthier, more energized and our systems are more physically balanced which means –

  • Our hormones are more balanced
  • Our organs & systems function more optimally
  • Our immune system is stronger & more effective
  • Our mind and emotions are more balanced
  • We can more effectively keep injury, illness and disease at bay

So what are LIVING FOODS anyway?

Does that mean eating a vegan raw diet? No. It means that you MOVE AWAY FROM OR DECREASE DEAD ENERGY FOODS WHILE MOVING TOWARDS ADDING MORE LIVING FOODS THAT ARE HIGHER ON THE LIVING ENERGY SCALE.

All things in balance!

This is my LIVING FOODS ENERGY SCALE –

Below are some examples of foods and which category they fall under –

Dead Energy Foods

  • Processed foods
  • Fast food
  • Refined sugar (candy, sweets, etc.)
  • Canned foods
  • Soda

Lesser Energy Foods

  • Processed meats or animal products treated with hormones & antibiotics

Neutral Energy Foods

  • Meats, eggs or animal products that are organic, grass fed (not fed grain, soy or GMO), NOT treated with hormones & antibiotics
  • Beans (legumes)
  • Nuts

Living Energy Foods

  • Organic fruits (non GMO)
  • Lightly steamed organic & non GMO veggies

Highest Energy Foods

  • Raw organic non GMO veggies
  • Organic sprouts & microgreens (plant stem cells)

I invite you to begin adding more of the higher energy foods and eating less of the lower energy or dead energy foods for 30 days in this challenge…

30 DAY EXPERIMENT

  • Start by writing down in a journal all of the things that are currently going on in your mind, body, heart and spirit – this can be any positive or negative thing like being over-weight, low energy, sleeping well or not enough, feeling stressed out or feeling balanced, etc. This journal entry will act as a measuring stick to compare your results to at the end of 30 days.
  • Make a 30-day commitment to adding more of the higher energy foods and eating less of the lower energy or dead energy foods
  • Drink more water each day – start where you are and add more from there
  • During the 30 days also try to practice self-care including exercise
  • Whenever you are able to take a successful step forward with adding more high energy foods, decreasing lower energy foods or increasing exercise or other self-care make a note of it along with the date in your journal
  • At the end of the 30 days go back through and read you’re the first journal entry and any entries since
  • Next, write another journal entry that lists where your health and wellbeing is now after the 30 days. Make sure to list all of those ‘things’ or issues from the beginning and how they have now changed or resolved. Also list any other benefits or changes in your mind, body, heart and spirit.
  • Finally… celebrate your growth and then make a list of future goals and a game plan of what to keep adding or decreasing!!!!

In Wellness,

 

 

 

 

Dr. Rachel Eva Dew

How Did You Get To Live Your Dream?

In a recent interview I was asked, “How did you get here, how did you get to live your dream?”

That was such a powerful question and one that people often don’t share the answer to once they have ‘made it’ to a certain level of success. Not that I have achieved all of my dreams yet, but I am solidly on my path, earning a living at doing what I love AND making a positive impact in the world. 

With the end of 2017 nearing and many of us casting our big dreams and vision for 2018 I have been thinking quite a bit about the steps I have taken in my career. I have been thinking about what has worked, what hasn’t and what I want to create or expand into in this new year.

That being said, I wanted to share with each of you how I answered the powerful question I mentioned above…

Don’t forget to stay connected with my through social media:

Facebook

Instagram

Twitter

Click HERE to view the full 3 minute video!

 

Building a Healthy Relationship with Fear

The emotion of fear gets a bad rap. As a teacher, writer and coach I have seen, read and heard countless blogs, posts, articles, books and conversations about how fear must be eradicated and removed from life. Let’s take a quick step back and access this from a psychological and biological position.

 

  • All emotions are responses that are wired into our makeup and are part of the full spectrum of human emotions and experiences.

 

  • Fear is one of the largest tools for feedback to ensure safety and survival.

 

  • It is impossible to remove our ‘fight or flight’ responses.

 

When we have a healthy relationship with fear it can be a guide versus a roadblock!

 

So why can fear be so awful and crippling at times? How can we learn to harness this normal emotion to better serve us? How can we work with fear versus against it? How can we better understand ourselves and our life through fear? How can we move beyond the negative impacts of fear? How can we experience and create a healthier and more balanced relationship with fear?

 

When we have an unbalanced or unhealthy relationship with fear it can block us from moving forward, having clarity, making good choices, effectively solving problems and overcoming life’s challenges, stressors and obstacles.

 

First, let’s understand health fear…

 

Fear is a response that is meant to warn us and keep us safe. Unfortunately, many people have become ‘triggered’ into a fight or flight or fear based state 24/7 and thus respond to non-threatening issues as if they were life threatening on a physiological level. This means that the things that may not normally cause fear or stress do.

 

Let’s try a shift in our perspective about fear…

 

What if, just what if FEAR was actually there to help you?

What if FEAR was trying to work for your highest good?

 

Here are some simple steps to begin shifting your relationship with FEAR:

 

  1. Reset

Pause and reset versus reacting to fear.

Things like meditation, yoga and even simple breathing exercises can help us get back to a neutral place which will better enable us to evaluate our fear more effectively.

 

  1. Ask Yourself Powerful Questions

Engage your brain in order to get clarity.

Instead of allowing your mind to run away with the fear, as yourself powerful questions that will lead to self-discovery, effective problem solving and solutions. Questions like, ‘why am I feeling fear’, ‘what feedback or alert message is fear trying to share with me’?

 

  1. Assess

Analyze the situation.

Look at the situation that is causing the fear objectively and try to see the bigger picture, the broader meaning or the direction it is leading you towards and ask yourself WHY & HOW.

 

  1. Breath Through It

Process and release the negative aspects of the emotion while keeping the lesson or alert.

Feeling our feelings, then processing them and letting it go or releasing it is an important way to not only move forward more effectively but also to bring more balance to you mentally, emotionally, physically and even spiritually.

 

  1. Make a Plan

Based on your self-discovery and analysis make a plan of actionable steps.

Write out very specific action steps to take to begin moving towards solutions or achieving goals.

 

  1. Get Support

Gain the tools, techniques, mentors, friends or coaches to help you!

Don’t go it alone! Everyone can relate to feelings of fear and also sometimes getting stuck because of them. Talk about it with friends and loved ones, research tools and techniques or even see a life coach (preferably an Integrative Life Coach iwacoaching.com) who can help you become more equipped to handle fear and stressors as well as to overcome their negative effects and successfully move forward.

 

Living A Holistic Life

Living A Holistic Life

By Rachel Eva, C.HT, M.NLP, MTILC

Founder of IWA (Integrative Wellness Academy), Integrative Life Coach & Health Practitioner

 

We hear the word holistic and holism tossed around a lot in integrative wellness and natural medicine. These terms have already flooded the health and wellness markets and made their way into popular culture.

 

But what exactly does this mean?

What is ‘holism’ and how can it be ‘lived’ in everyday life?

 

As the founder of IWA (Integrative Wellness Academy), myself and the IWA team trains and certifies thousands of integrative life coaches each year. As part of how we teach our students to coach their clients we educate them on holism as a core element to help their clients achieve health, success and balance through applying ‘holism’ through the Holistic Life Model, which I will share with you!

 

First, let’s define holistic and holism so you can get some simple clarity. According to dictionary.com, here are the definitions:

 

Holistic –

 

Philosophy – characterized by comprehension of the parts of something as intimately interconnected and explicable only by reference to the whole.

Medicine – characterized by the treatment of the whole person, taking into account mental and social factors, rather than just the physical symptoms of a disease.

 

Holism –

 

The theory that parts of a whole are in intimate interconnection, such that they cannot exist independently of the whole, or cannot be understood without reference to the whole, which is thus regarded as greater than the sum of its parts. Holism is often applied to mental states, language, and ecology.

 

 

What does this mean in more simplistic and applicable terms?

 

Every part of us, our minds (mental), bodies (physical), emotions (emotional) and spirits (spiritual) are interconnected and have an effect on each other, as well as an effect on each of the major areas of life; health, career & finances, family & relationships, spirituality & self-development. Furthermore, each of the major areas of our life have an effect on all aspects or parts of self (the 4 systems); mental, emotional, physical and spiritual. We need to VIEW and CARE care for the whole picture collectively, versus just a few parts in order to live the best life possible.

 

Before I dive in and introduce you to the Holistic Life Model, I need to further share my definitions with you for the four systems or parts of self:

 

Mental –


The Mental System is your thought life, including your self-perception and thought patterns as well as our beliefs and conscious perceptions. This is also the way we view other things out in the world.

 

Emotional –

 

The Emotional System are your feelings and your emotions. It’s also your relationships with other people and also the relationship you have with yourself.

 

Physical =

 

The Physical System is your physical health, as well as the tangible physical things you have in our life.

 

Spiritual –

 

The Spiritual System is our true-self, our personal development, connection to community, world and our connection to a higher power, whatever that definition is or is not for you.

 

The Holistic Life Model

 

The holistic Life Model is living your life, caring for, balancing and bringing health to all aspects of self and all major areas of life, in other words, caring for the whole self with a ‘big picture’ approach.

 

So how exactly can you begin to care for and bring balance to all of these aspects of self? Here are a few steps to begin moving your life towards aligning with and practicing the Holistic Life Model:

 

  1. Set an intention to pay attention to and care for ALL of the systems/aspects of self and all of the major areas of life
  2. Put this intention into daily practice through actions!
  3. Make a ‘to do’ list of actions you can take to bring more wellness, health and balance to each system and to each major area of your life
  4. Schedule it! Put these actions steps into your schedule and stick to them

 

Remember it’s a process, not an event and the goal is to MOVE towards what you want to have, do, be, experience and achieve!

How Your Yes’s & No’s Shape Your Future

The third or fourth word that many people learn to speak is either yes or no. The first words are often mamma, dada and if a person has a dog, then dog is number three, followed by yes and no.

Yes and no are two words in the English language we learn early on and use to exercise our power, express our needs and our preferences.

A yes or a no can have a significant effect on how we create what we experience in life. Often this is approached unintentionally from a place that is not rooted in self-love or honesty with oneself.

When we say yes to something we are aligning ourselves with that. A yes is also an invitation for it to be in your life and in a sense, it is agreeing with it. A person, place, thing or situation such as a request or voiced expectation from a loved one, diagnosis from a doctor or even an invitation to go on a date, gives us the opportunity to be intentional about what we allow and create in our lives.

One of my favorite and self-loving things to say is ‘I’m going to say no to this so that I can say yes to something else’. Another favorite is when I am told what I should do, before I say yes to that or agree with it, I allow myself the time and space to consider what has been shared with me as feedback. Then I determine what, if any, of that feedback will be helpful for me to take and incorporate into my life.

 

Give yourself permission to change your mind. You can try on a yes for size and discover it needs to become a no and vice versa.

When we say yes because we feel like we should, like it is expected of us, but it is not our truthful response, we are essentially stepping out of alignment with our true selves and saying yes to things that conflict with our truth. When we are in conflict, even on an unconscious or subconscious level, it creates chaos, unhappiness and many other problems in our lives.

We have all heard the famous saying ‘be true to thine self’ – however many of us don’t realize the consequences and disconnection from self we experience when we choose to say yes when our truth is a no.

We can still show up for our responsibilities and obligations, however we can do so in ways that do not conflict with our personal values and our authentic truth. Boundaries are helpful in managing this effectively.

In addition to setting healthy boundaries for yourself (not creating rules and controlling others – see my blog on clearing toxic relationships and boundaries) it is also important to ask ourselves the following questions when presented with invitations to make choices and express a yes or a no:

  1. Will saying yes or saying no serve me more?
  2. Will saying yes or saying no lead towards balance and harmony in myself and in my life?
  3. Do I want to say yes or say no? (Be honest with yourself) and then ask yourself ‘Why?’.
  4. Which answer helps me best take care of myself while also showing up for life?
  5. What does my gut say?
  6. What’s the bigger picture? What will saying yes or saying no invite into my life and create, what will it lead away from?

Asking ourselves these questions helps us move beyond any beliefs or perspectives that are limiting us. It helps to step away from expectations that do not serve us (typically self-inflicted expectations) and gain clarity about the bigger picture of what we are creating and moving towards in our lives.

I invite you to let go of that which no longer serves you and to give yourself permission to say yes or to say no. Practicing intentionality towards your yes’s and no’s will empower you to create the life you want and to decrease the stress and negative things impacting your life.

Let all of your answers come from honoring your higher self, your truth. Boldly curate your life with intentional yes’s and intentional no’s.

 

 

 

How to Break Up with Stress

First let’s identify and understand stress and stressors a bit so that you will have a deeper understanding about where it may be creeping into your life.

First, stress has been proven to lead to physical illness, mental illness, injury, obesity and disease. In fact, stress is considering the leading cause of these! Even if you have a genetic pre-disposition towards an illness or disease, stress activates that gene. It essentially flips the light switch from the off position to the on position within our DNA. The numbers are staggering, research has shown that between 94-98% off ALL illness and disease is caused (related to?) by stress!

Stress is not just emotional. It can be mental (happening in our thought life), emotional, physical and environmental. Toxins we encounter causes stress to the immune system and our entire body functions.

So why not just remove stress from our lives? Well, in order to do this, we would have to live in a bubble and that would be stressful too! It is not the goal to completely remove all stress but to reduce stress while INCREASING OUR CAPACITY to deal with or handle stress.

Another important aspect of becoming empowered to breaking up with stress you need to consider is…

Where may I be adding to, or creating stress, in my life?

What do I gain from doing this, what do I get out of it?

Sometimes we create stress and chaos in our lives, or at the very least feed it, in order to avoid dealing with or acknowledging something we are not yet ready to face, resolve or change. It’s like creating a big loud clanking distraction that makes it almost impossible to hear or notice anything else. In order to truly break up with stress we must take ownership and accountability for the part we play in it.

So here are some simple steps to reducing stress and increasing your capacity to handle life’s stressors:

  1. Reduce Stress

Emotional Stress Reduction

First and foremost, recognizing and honoring our emotions is a critical part of emotional stress reduction. We need to both be aware of our feelings, then process and release those emotions in a healthy and balanced way versus suppressing, avoiding or ignoring them. Secondly, we need to take ownership of our emotional life. If we are experiencing negative emotions blaming others will not help. We must each find healthy ways to experience and express our emotions. No one else can make you FEEL any emotion without your permission and YOUR participation.

Reducing emotional stress is best done through aligning yourself with your values. When our job, relationships and all other aspects of our lives are aligned with our values and our true self (versus all the beliefs and thoughts of what SHOULD be) emotional stress will be significantly decreased.

Also learning healthy boundaries and how to say NO to the things that add un-necessary emotional stress to your life will set you free from an overabundance of emotional stress.

Physical Stress Reduction

Physical stress comes when we do not properly care for our bodies and our physical environment, as well as when we are exposed to toxins through the food we eat, the water we drink and the air we breathe. Obviously trying to control this by completely removing all physical stressors would create an even bigger imbalance, and more stress. Try to find ways that you can limit physical stressors. Balancing and responsibly managing finances, life tasks and even cleaning (decluttering and organizing greatly reduce physical stressors).

Another way to reduce physical stressors is by making a commitment to yourself to get enough sleep, water and healthy balanced meals in your system each day. You can reduce the toxins you ingest by drinking more filtered water, packing foods in glass versus plastic, eating foods that are fresh, made by you and include fruits, veggies, lean proteins and healthy fats and avoiding eating pre-prepared foods.

Mental Stress Reduction

Whenever I mention ‘mental’ health or ‘mental’ stress people often think I am referring to intelligence or expanding the mind. When I am speaking of mental stress, this is referring to your thought life. The thought life are the types of thoughts you think, especially the recurring ones. Are they negative, filled with fear, optimistic, pessimistic, balanced, loving or reactionary? You are in control of your mind and the thoughts that you think. I am not recommending avoiding negative thoughts, instead invite yourself to avoid getting into a relationship with negative thoughts and negative thought cycles. In order to have a relationship with someone or something you must invest time and attention to them. So don’t invest in your negative thoughts and allow them to go on and on and around and around repeatedly. Also learn how to let things go. Obsessing is not problem solving and only causes you to suffer.

Environmental Stress Reduction

Similar to some elements that I mentioned under ‘physical stress reduction’, environmental stressors can also be toxins. These can be in the air you breathe or the materials within the four walls where you live or work. Again, we cannot healthfully completely control our environment but we can choose to reduce environmental stress by intentionally increasing time in less stressful environments. Less traffic, less pollution, less toxic materials. Intentionally investing time in environments that ‘feel better’ will automatically begin reducing your exposure to environmental stress. We must learn to listen to what environments ‘feel’ good or better.

The two simplest ways to reduce your environmental stress are to increase time in nature, amongst its beauty, out in the cleaner air and to clean up the environment you are most in. Cleaning up your environment means participating in reducing your own foot print because we all are co-creating this toxicity we experience. It also means being intentional about your home and work space where ever you are able to do so in a balanced manner. Keeping your space clean, removing toxins, filtering your air, purifying your space and purchasing environmentally safe items such as non-toxic clothing and furniture will do more for reducing your environmental stress then you may ever imagine!

  1. Increase Capacity to Deal with Stress

 It is unrealistic and also not healthy to try to avoid everything stressful. This simply weakens our ability to cope with life. Just because something may feel difficult or ‘bad’ does not mean that it IS bad for you. Overcoming and dealing with life’s stressors not only strengthen our character and increase our capacity to cope with stress but it also builds our character. It helps us grow and expand into the type of person who can feel inner peace and have clarity and calmness of thought even amidst difficult challenges.

When increasing our capacity for stress, the metaphor I like to use most is; imagine that you are carrying around a glass of water that is half full. Every time you encounter stress it’s like adding another ounce of water in your glass. Now, if you don’t take frequent sips to empty the glass, eventually those little one ounce stressors will make your glass so full that the next one-ounce stressor will cause an overflow, a mess, that will pour out everywhere. If we are continually intentionally emptying the stress we are not thrown off balance when we encounter a new stress.

Here are some ways to increase your capacity to deal with stress and proactively manage the stress you already have:

Self-Care 

Self-care gives you the energy you need to handle stress. It should be approached as a non-negotiable, non-optional practice in your life. If you are too busy or overloaded for self-care I recommend that you schedule it into your daily life with the same priority you would a work meeting, family obligation or doctor’s appointment! Self-care can be anything that you find helpful, enjoyable or recharging. Here are some self-care ideas I shared in one of my recent blogs, The Self-Care Home Spa Experience

Healthy Boundaries

Healthy boundaries that are rooted in love are a game changer for the way you experience and enjoy your life, career and relationships. Boundaries are not rules you demand from others. That is called control, not a boundary. A boundary is something you personally set and you personally respect and abide by in order to honor yourself, your needs, your values and those of the people you love. You are the only person in any relationship that can honor your boundaries. It is up to you to do so and if you do not, you are not a victim of someone else, don’t place blame on them if you did not respect your own boundary.

Most of us never learned about healthy boundaries, I know I didn’t. A great resource for beginning or expanding your personal understanding and relationship to boundaries is the book ‘Boundaries’ by Townson & Cloud.

Let That Shit Go!

Why hold on to old resentments? They are only poisoning you! No one is perfect and everyone is doing the very best they can with the information and resources they have at the time. Would you be angry at a deaf person for not hearing you speak? No, of course not. Why do we get angry and hurt when people are unable to give or do something they are not capable of? This doesn’t mean we continue in toxic relationships and it doesn’t mean that it’s okay for someone to treat you poorly. Refer back to boundaries, take responsibility for how you react and respond to others behaviors that offend or harm you. You can honor yourself, remain safe and have healthy boundaries while also no longer feeling the venom of anger and resentment in your life. A wonderful and free resource for this is found on Byron Katie’s website called The Work. Spending 10 minutes completing the free downloadable form changed my life and my perspective on the most difficult relationships in my life – www.thework.com

Put On Your Big Kid Undies and Deal with It

Stop making everything such a big F-ing deal, seriously! It’s up to you what you take offense to. I choose not to take very much personally. If you are a person who is reactionary, you are simply a bomb waiting to go off…this makes you a victim of every circumstance and completely robs you of your power! It is only when I do choose to make it all about me and take offense to something that I experience stress and pain. When a situation or circumstance is less than your desired outcome or when someone says or does something you wished would have been different, more, less or better make a conscious choice to put on your big kid undies and deal with it from a peaceful, tolerant and loving place.

Practicing Preference Versus Attachment

I am very intentional about my life, my goals, my plans and the thoughts and actions I participate in. I have a specific goal or desired outcome AND I also allow for my goals and desires to show up looking a bit different. I practice preference versus attachment. My happiness and success is not contingent on things being one way, my way or what I perceive to be the right way. In that same vein I do not have unrealistic demands or expectations on how other people in this world behave, show up in the world or what beliefs their lives reflect. I honor others and experience much peace within this world of diverse beliefs and behaviors simply because my beliefs, perspectives and values are things I have a preference for versus an attachment to.

When we are attached to something it is narrow, rigid and reflects a ‘this is the only way’ attitude. This limits us versus offers expansion, growth and the potential for greater success. Practicing the art and science of living a life guided by preference versus attachment is something that takes intentional daily practice in order to master! When you practice continually you will build your ability to do this the way you strengthen a muscle by repetitive exercise. As you weave this art into the framework of your life you will see stress melt away like a glassier exposed to 100-degree weather. You will also experience a dramatic shift in your capacity to handle stressful people, places, things and situations.

Breathing Exercises & Meditation

Both breathing exercises (deep, relaxed intentionally focused breathing) as well as meditation (any and every form) has been scientifically proven, by countless respected institutions to significantly reduce stress and increase our capacity to cope with stress. Developing a meditation or intentional breathing practice should be a custom creation by you and you alone. Try on a few, experiment and then practice the ones that work best for you as consistently as you are able. Developing a 2 minute a day practice will still have a positive impact on your stress levels. If you are new to these concepts or even just interested on my perspective on this, check out a recent blog I wrote on Demystifying Meditation

What Now? Thriving in The Trump Era

Many people, from both parties, have been conflicted, angry, disappointed, afraid and frustrated since the US ushered in a new president.

Issues of equal rights, safety, human rights, acceptance and tolerance have been a high concern for many and I have seen the backlash concerning this all around us. There has been and continued to be much negativity and accusations being spewed across social media and even news sources. I only have two things to say about this:

  1. You cannot combat or overcome hate and fear effectively with hate and fear. It takes loving action.
  1. We as a people have co-created where we are and need to consciously co-create what we want to experience moving forward.

Please know that no problem can be addressed if it is not something we are aware of consciously. This brings to light the fear, hate, desperation, judgement and division of our country. Now, the spotlight has been shined on many issues we want to change. As it is at the forefront of our awareness, we as a people can be the change. We each can be a part of the solution. This problem cannot be solved by any one politician or any single group or party. It is a collective problem that WE Americans have and only WE Americans can fix through love, tolerance, unity and understanding. We must each participate in love. We cannot change these issues of hate and fear with more hate and fear.

By choosing to read, tweet and retweet, post and repost anger based messages, all you are doing is participating in furthering anger, hate and division. Be the solution. Be the change. First by removing yourself from the negative hamster wheel of conversations, thoughts and media. Next by giving some thought about what you want this world and this country to be like. Followed by coming up with an action plan, some small steps that you can take that are rooted in love, to BE THE CHANGE and create positive change.

What we all need are loving and strong leaders right now. Leaders lead, they blaze a path and set an example. They do not simply sit around moaning and groaning about what they hate. Anyone can do that. It is easier to complain about what you don’t like, not take responsibility or any accountability while putting the ownership and responsibility solely on someone else.

When we focus our attention on something we magnify it. It becomes bigger. When we focus on something it turns into an intention, or the place we send our energy to. When we focus on the problems we magnify the problems. However, when we shift our focus to the solutions we magnify the solutions!

During an extreme time of violence in US history, a group of meditators came together in Washington DC to meditate on peace, love and harmony. They set their focus and attention on this. During the exact times that they meditated on this, the crime rate dropped! Our focus and intention is powerful and it is powerfully positive when done from a place of love.

Set your focus and attention intentionally on the solutions (or finding the solutions) to create the positive changes you want to see happen in this world. Make sure that you check your heart and are honest with yourself… can you do this from a place of unconditional love and acceptance of other people, even if they do not believe or behave the way you would like them to?

Taking accountability for our part of creating positive change will lead us to great places individually and collectively! As Dr. Seuss put it so eloquently… “You’re off to Great Places! Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting, so… get on your way!”.

Love,

Rachel

PS – Join me in sharing the solutions through Social Media!

Twitter: @rachelevaonline

Instagram: @rachelevaonline

Facebook: Author Rachel Eva

 

Self-Care – The Art of the Home Spa Experience

Self-care is a huge part of not only my physical and emotional practices but also my spiritual practice. Nurturing and caring for oneself allows for a deeper and more intimate relationship with self, community and a deeper spiritual life.

When I am investing in myself it is as if I am putting deposits into the bank, think of these deposits not as money but as energy that can then be spent of the things you want such as deepening relationships, expanding career or achieving goals.

We cannot possibly show up and give successfully what our lives require of us unless we first have it to give away. If we simply give away all our energy from a depleted account that is when we lack excellence, balance and joy! It is also when we wear ourselves down and eventually break down.

Self-care needs to address our mental, physical, emotional and spiritual needs. Self-care can be anything that works for you or recharges you in a positive way.

I have created a self-care home spa experience that I incorporate into my self-care routine frequently (in whole or in part depending on the time I have set aside). Self-care does not have to be complex. In fact, most of mine is fairly basic yet highly effective. May this be helpful to you on your continued journey and exploration into the benefits of self-care!

Create Sacred Space

Start your home spa self-care experience by setting the tone or creating a sacred space. Turn the lights down, diffuse some lavender, light candles and play some beautiful relaxing music!

Breathe

Sit and close your eyes. Give yourself permission to put your ‘to do’ list away mentally and to let go of anything that you need to. Give yourself to feel whatever comes up. Spend a few minutes simply focusing on your breath. Breathe deep and relaxed breaths for a few minutes and just allow yourself to BE.

Detox Soak

Not only does a good detox soak in a tub reduce stress and tension mentally, physically and emotionally, it also helps to pull toxins out of your largest organ… your skin! Here is the detox recipe I use in my weekly baths, all of these ingredients can be found at WholeFoods or for more affordable option, on Amazon:

2 cups colloidal fine grain organic oatmeal

2 tablespoons of Coconut Charcoal

1 cup Apple Cider Vinegar

½ cup Arnica Oil

2 cups Magnesium Flakes

¼ cup Castor Oil

Draw a warm bath, stir in ingredients above. Feel free to add any essential oils you might enjoy as well such as lavender (for relaxation). Soak for at least 30 minutes.

Abhyanga (Self Massage)

You don’t have to set aside time and money to get a professional massage or miss out on the benefits if you either can’t afford one or simply don’t have time. Abhyanga is an Indian self-massage ritual that has many restorative and destressing perks in addition to the fast, accessible and in expensive aspects. All you need is a good clean (organic preferred) pure oil! The oils I recommend are Aragan, Almond or a good Ayurvedic oil blend. Generously apply oil starting from your feet and slowly massaging the oil in and working your way all the way up your body, even to your face and head! Rinse off after, but do not soap up. You will want some of the oils to be able to seep in throughout the day or overnight.

‘Details’

This is a time where I will give myself permission to pamper myself by paying attention to all the care and maintenance of the small ‘details’ such as putting on a face mask, giving myself a manicure or pedicure, plucking eyebrows, etc.

Stretch & Flow Restorative Yoga

Roll out your yoga mat or even a towel on the floor. Move your body through some light yoga stretches and restorative poses. If you don’t know any you can google some restorative yoga videos on YouTube or I highly recommend Cheri Clampett’s restorative yoga classes that are available on the Yoga Anytime Channel on Amazon. Whatever you choose, remember the goal is not to workout, the goal is to restore and nurture your body. So listen to your body, ask it what it needs and try to provide that. Your body may need to just stretch out and rest fully or spend a few minutes in one restorative pose. Either way, let go of expectations and let your body lead you.

Ritual

Finish up by creating a little ritual for yourself. A ritual can be anything as long as it has the following elements:

  1. Set an intention
  2. Invite in connection and guidance from a higher source (this can be God, nature, love, etc.)
  3. A sacred place/space (which you should have already created at the beginning of your self-care home spa practice)

Your ritual can be done through the use of artistic expression like painting or drawing, through burning incense, sage or Palo Santo wood, it can be done with crystals, with movement such as dance, it can be done communing in nature or anything else. Rituals should be personal and meaningful and breed connection with your higher true self and with God, Spirit, the Divine (or whatever is aligned with your beliefs).

 

 

People, Places & Career Post-Breakup Clearing

A post-break up guide for fully releasing relationships, career, old habits or patterns and experiencing true freedom.

The Breaking Up

Saying no to this means saying yes to something else.

Breaking up with a person, place, thing or situation usually comes from a struggling with a relationship and coming to a decision that it is no longer something you want in your life. You finally decide to say no to the relationship with the hopes of saying yes to something better.

We don’t only break up with people, we also break up with jobs, career paths, financial situations, places, food, habits, self-image and self-treatment and other non-serving patterns. When we do break up it is important to gain the much needed clarity on why we created or chose that relationship into our life, as well as clear the old relationship FULLY from our lives on all levels; mind, body, emotions, thoughts and spirit.

If you don’t gain the clarity and clearing you need more likely than not, you will draw in the same thing energetically again. This may come in different exterior wrapping. It may even be in a different category. For example, you break up with a lover only to draw in the same energy, pattern and cycle into your career.

If you want to be done with the relationship and free from it for good, here is a simple guide!

What Is a Relationship?

All relationships take time, energy, focus & intention.

A relationship is a connection and intimate interconnection that we create with many different things; people, food, places, habits, etc. In order to have a relationship with something or someone it takes time, energy, focus (attention) and intentionality (intentional thoughts & actions). We can’t be in a relationship with someone or something we are not investing our thoughts, our action (our time) or our energy in. Intentionality is ‘with purpose’ or having a higher purpose to the relationship. You may have been consciously aware of your purpose for a relationship or you may not have been consciously aware of it, but I promise you there was a higher purpose at play. The higher purpose is ‘the reason’ you got into the relationship. Whether that was to experience happiness, love, safety, security, stability, fun, health, comfort or a slew of many other potential higher purposes, be sure that there is one behind the relationship you are breaking up with.

THE HIGHER PURPOSE IS ALWAYS FOR YOUR GREATER GOOD!

Always, always and always! You may think that that abusive relationship or that horrible job or even that food binging issue is due to you being a failure, broken, weak or messed up. It’s not! It is simply feedback for you that the strategy you were running in order to achieve your higher purpose was not effective! So put the bat down and let’s move on to how to find an effective strategy.

Creating a new and effective strategy to achieving the higher purpose of what the relationship was created to fulfill begins with clarity and clearing!

Clarity

Clarity comes when we are empowered and gain clear understanding.

Until you get clear on the following things most people will simply recreate the same undesired relationship as they move forward:

  1. What is the higher purpose (what did you want the relationship to fulfill or add to your life)?
  2. Get clear on if your strategy for achieving that higher purpose was a positive strategy (meaning, did doing the things you did in that relationship and with the person, place or thing you were in the relationship with create or fulfill that higher purpose?)
  3. Come up with a new, better and more effective strategy to achieve the higher purpose

Clearing

Emotions, thoughts, habits & energy need to be cleared to fully release & move forward.

Let’s acknowledge for a moment that transition can be challenging. When we let go of something we may make a decision & remove ourselves from the thing or relationship but the energy of it may get stuck and linger causing negative emotions, lack of energy, confusion and worst of all attracting the same exact thing into our lives again.

So how can you clear a relationship?

Clearing needs to take place on all levels in order to be a full and complete clearing that will allow you the freedom to fully move forward and create something different. This means clearing physically, emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually & energetically. Below are some simple tips on how to do this.

Emotional Clearing

Emotional clearing consists of clearing negative emotions, attachments to negative emotions both with the person or people, places, things or situations that are attached or associated to the break up (the relationship itself, people and things attached to the relationship, etc.). Emotional clearing also includes clearing the emotions about yourself that have to do with the situation or person you are breaking up with, the break up itself.

Here are a few steps to emotional clearing:

  1. Acknowledge It

People spend so much time and energy avoiding or suppressing their emotions. This only causes the emotions to become buried and stuck. Make no mistake, stuck emotions create illness and problems in all aspects of life. We are designed to experience emotions; it is part of being a human being. So acknowledge how you are truly feeling. Honor those emotions versus avoiding them. This will ready you to process them and release them. Use a journal or a trustworthy and non-judgmental friend as a sounding board.

  1. Process It

Processing your emotions means intentionally creating the time and space to feel them. Meditate and allow them to rise up to the surface and flow freely. Don’t try to stop your emotions, try to be with them.

  1. Release It

Just rolling around in negative emotions is not healthy and will actually magnify the emotions. It is important to get them up and out of the body and your entire being. You can do this through movement, exercise, creativity and sharing them in a safe way with a safe person.

Mental Clearing

Mental clearing consists of shifting your thought patterns about yourself, the thing your breaking up with and any situations attached to the person or thing you are breaking up with and also any projected thoughts (these are future based that have not happened yet, these are negative thoughts about the future).

Here are a few steps to mental clearing:

  1. Awareness

Become aware of your thought life and thought patterns. Many people let their thoughts drive their emotions and actions unintentionally. This causes people to go wherever their thoughts lead them. You are in control of your mind and therefor can clear your thought patterns and create new healthy thought patterns. Try starting a ‘thought journal’. This will help you track and become aware of your thought life and thought patterns.

  1. Intentionality

Start to intentionally invest in your thought life, choose where and how you spend your thoughts. This doesn’t mean not ever having negative thoughts, but it does mean that when you do have them you don’t allow yourself to get swept away with them and end up running around and around with them. Make good thought choices one thought at a time.

  1. Build a Relationship (with your thought patterns)

Any good relationship takes love, time, attention and focus. Begin a relationship with your thoughts and build a healthy and higher serving thought life. Invest some time in thinking on and about the things that serve you such as dreaming, vision casting and the things you want to experience and create such as a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

Physical Clearing

Physical clearing clears the body and the physical world around you of the old relationship.

When people think of the physical aspects of themselves they mostly think of their bodies. But the physical aspects also include your physical world, the things that you have or do not have around you and the things that you tangibly create.

Here are a few steps to physical clearing:

  1. Spring Cleaning

Out with the old, in with the new. Let go of anything in your physical world that no longer serves you. Look around you and notice what is within your physical body or surrounding you in your physical world. If those things are attached to the old relationship or do not bring you joy, let them go! That means un-invite them from your life and get rid of them!

  1. Physical Care

Slow down and take good and gentle care of yourself physically as well as all of the physical things around you. This is a time to nurture yourself and the physical things in your life, so give yourself permission to up your self-care game.

  1. Time & space

Allow time for the residue to wear off. Give yourself permission to just be for a bit. Don’t jump into another relationship. Don’t jump into a fad diet, hardcore nutrition or fitness plan, take on a new lover or love interest, job or career. Just be here now for a little while. Once you have fully cleared and given yourself this time and space you will be free to create more balanced things through effective and loving actions.

Spiritual Clearing

Spiritual clearing consists of deepening your connection with yourself, community, the world (the earth) and the higher source you believe in. It also consists of getting re-aligned with your true and higher self.

Here are a few steps to spiritual clearing:

  1. Connect with yourself

Be with yourself. Create the time and space to connect with yourself in a true, meaningful and intimate way. Do this in a way that works for you and helps you feel connected. This may take some trial and error, so experiment and see what works best for you. This can be as simple as focusing on your breath and closing your eyes, meditating, doing yoga or journaling.

  1. Connect with the world

Be with the world, with the earth, with nature. Create the time and space to connect with the world around you in a true, meaningful and intimate way. Do this in a way that works for you and helps you feel connected. This also may take some trial and error, so experiment and see what works best for you. It can be as simple as taking a walk in nature, noticing and enjoying a beautiful surrounding or volunteering to clean up a park or finding a way to reduce your footprint.

  1. Connect with community

Be with community. Create the time and space to connect with people round you and create or participate in community in a true, meaningful and intimate way. Do this in a way that works for you and helps you feel connected. Again, this also may take some trial and error, so experiment and see what works best for you. It can be as simple as taking a yoga class, sitting at an outdoor café and striking up conversations, hosting a potluck dinner, connecting with friends or family or partaking in a community form of spirituality or spiritual worship expression.

  1. Connect with Source

Be with your God. Create the time and space to connect with Source, God, Higher Power or whatever your beliefs connect you with. This can even be connecting with the feeling and expression of love. Make sure you do this in a meaningful and intimate way, one that feels right for you. Connection to beliefs without true alignment, authentic worship or expression is dead and creates no spiritual clearing or growth, it is simply posturing. So do this in a way that works for you and helps you feel connected versus what you think you ‘should’ do. This also may take some trial and error, so experiment and see what works best for you. It can be as simple as praying, meditating on love, participating in a community worship experience or even sitting down and just talking and connecting with God.

Energetic Clearing

Energetic clearing occurs when we are able to change the frequency of our personal energy as well as unclog and release the old energy.

Once we have energetically cleared the old relationship, we no longer are ‘playing the tune’ of the old relationship and the things attached to that. It means that we are now operating or putting out a different frequency. This also means you will create and attract different things. You will now attract and create relationships based on your new frequency.

Here are a few steps to energetic clearing:

  1. Become aware of your energy

Our energy has subtle and not so subtle feelings and shifts. Begin bringing your awareness to meet these and notice your energy and personal frequency. Are you amped up, feeling unable to sit and be, calm, peaceful, angry… these may be words to describe emotions however energy is not easily definable. Energy is something that is. It exists in and around you. Energy can be connected with and experienced with more awareness. Invest in becoming aware of your personal energy. Experiment and see what works for you.

  1. Set an intention

There’s a great saying ‘where intention (or conscious focus) goes, energy flows’. Set an intention and begin to feel how your energy shifts as you hold this intention throughout the space of a week or so.

  1. Create a ritual

There are thousands of energy clearing rituals and the ones that work are the ones that create a ritual or ceremony that feels right for you. This could be sagging, getting energy work done, self-clearing energy work, Reiki, one of my or another practitioners guided visualizations or any other sacred ritual. The important thing is to create and practice that ritual with the intention of connecting with your higher self and Source or God along with the intention of clearing your personal energy of anything that doesn’t serve you or may be stuck within your energetic field. Again, there are thousands of ways to do this; you should pick one that you feel comfortable and safe trying. You can be as ‘normal’ and grounded or as creatively ‘out there’ as you desire, so make your energy clearing ritual personalized to you.

Human beings are strong and resilient. We are all able to shift, re-build, re-invent and transform our lives. Even when difficulties arise we are able to learn, heal and grow. Remember, that even during this transition, you are whole and resourceful! You need only to return to this wholeness through balanced intentional steps, self-love and self-care!

May you clear what needs to be cleared so that you may create that which serves you more!

In Wholeness,

Rachel

Holiday Thrive-al Guide

Don’t just survive the holiday season, set yourself up to THRIVE!

The holiday season has officially arrived holding all the joys, pains, fears, expectations, anxieties, to-do lists and other challenges we are ANTICIPATING. Maybe, just maybe THIS holiday season can be different. Maybe instead of surviving the holidays, you can THRIVE through the season. How? It will take intentionality, a willingness to shift your mind set and actions to reflect those. It will take a pro-active approach versus a reactive approach. What do you think? Are you up for the challenge? Although this may take planning and work, aren’t the benefits of a THRIVING holiday season worth the efforts of taking steps now?

Here is my simple ‘how to’ prep yourself for a THRIVING holiday season.

First, commit to approaching the upcoming season with the following mindset:

I can only change me, my perspective and how I experience things. And because I can change these things, I can experience the holiday season how I want to experience them.

Second, decide to proactively approach the holiday season with:

Intention, Attention & Intentional Action

Here are some additional ‘how to’ steps that you can take to create the THRIVING holiday season you desire, so grab a pen and a notebook and answer these questions as boldly and honestly as you can:

1. What DO you want?

 Many times people spend their time and energy focused on what they DON’T want…so what is it that you DO want to have, do or experience this holiday season? Remember to keep your answers focused on yourself, meaning do not list all the things you want other people or circumstances to be, do or behave like. Instead, list what YOU want to experience, do or have… these are the things that you will be able to impact and shift.

For example, I may want my crazy aunt Nancy to not be so critical of me. Since I certainly can’t control or change her, I would refocus my goal on what I can control…my mind set, my reactions, my experience of Nancy. What that could look like is; ‘if Nancy gets critical towards me I don’t want to loose my temper, I want to experience peace and loving thoughts no matter what anyone else behaves like’.

So now, make a list of what it is that you really really want to have, do and experience this holiday season.

2. Ask yourself why, what is the motivation behind your wants and actions.

 Next, take that list that you made and for each thing that you wrote down that you wanted to have, do and/or experience, ask yourself ‘WHY, what is the motivation behind my wants?’, write down your answers and be honest with yourself. You may be surprised at what you discover. The truth will set you free, free from negative emotions and beliefs or mind sets that keep you from what you want.

3. Write down your expectations and then edit them to be boundaries you set for yourself NOT them.

 First write down your expectations, expectations are like wants that we project with emotion attached to them, for example… I expect nice gifts or else it means I am not loved enough. Give yourself permission to really really let loose and write every expectation that you may have no matter how big, small, unrealistic, simple or outlandishly ridiculous it may be… write it all down in a list format.

Next, lets take a look at boundaries. I used to think boundaries were something you told people that expressed what they could and could not do within a relationship with me. This could not be further from the truth, what I just described is ‘being controlling; not ‘setting a boundary’. Boundaries are the perimeters we set for ourselves with ourselves. It’s the agreements we make in order to lovingly take care of ourselves in the world and in relationships with others. So now that I have explained the difference take that list of expectations you have and write a boundary for yourself next to each.

This is an example of what it could look like:

  1. I have an expectation that everyone will get along/ I set a boundary with myself that if people begin to fight that I will not participate and I will go for a walk.
  2. I have an expectation that I will eat too much and feel terrible afterwards/ I will set a boundary with myself that I will eat whatever I want but I will eat small portions and then go for a long walk outside afterwards.

4. Go in ‘full’ not ‘empty’.

This is where getting really serious about being proactive is the rubber meeting the road so to speak, if you want to THRIVE this holiday season STOP RIGHT NOW and plan some serious rest and renewal time ASAP! If you go into the season worn out, drained and on empty what do you have to offer yourself or the ones you love? You can’t write a check on an overdrawn bank account. So make some serious deposits now!

Write a few ideas for things you can do to replenish your energy and go into the season renewed and revitalized.

 5. Make a self-care sandwich.

What is a sandwich? Well, you take two pieces of bread and put something in the middle, then you have a sandwich. What I am inviting you to do is to create a self care sandwich around each and every holiday event throughout the season. The acts of self care will be your bread (one on either side) and the holiday event will be the center.

This allows you to go in full as well as restore yourself before returning to life’s daily demands. This can look any way that you find helpful. One example is, say you go fly to visit family Friday thru Monday one week over the holidays. A good self care sandwich could look like also taking Thursday and Tuesday off of work and having a pajama and movie marathon day at home. Self care actions can be anything that help you feel recharged, renewed and relaxed.

Go ahead and write down your holiday event plans and then write down some ideas to create ‘self care sandwiches’ around them.

 6. Ask yourself what can I let go of in order to create more of what I do want?

Often people get very attached to the way they see things or their opinion about the way something is supposed to go. I invite you to let go of these types of beliefs and mind sets that may limit you from experiencing and creating a thriving holiday season. What do you need to let go of in order to create or experience more of what you DO want? It might be letting go of being right, or of being perfect, or of trying to fulfill or be what you think others want or need you to be. Or it may be something else.

Write a list of the things you need to let go of in order to create more of what you do want during the holidays. Then take a look at that list and ask yourself if you are truly willing to let that stuff go. Then hold yourself accountable to really let it go. You may have to remind yourself numerous times not to jump back on that old hamster wheel and take another spin or two round and round. That’s ok, just stick with your agreement with yourself to let it go, remind yourself and redirect your thoughts to what you do want to create instead.

 7. Approaching it all in a balanced way.

When I was young I would party on full blast and whatever the consequences were from lack of sleep, etc. I would simply deal with them when they came around… that was not a mature approach to celebration or to living life. When we are intentional and balanced we get the outcome we want.

I invite you to budget, budget your time, energy and money. Give yourself some parameters of what IS balanced celebration of these holidays for you. That may mean eating one cookie but not 20. It may mean buying smaller gifts or committing to fewer events. If you have celebrated at least a few holidays in your life you probably have some idea what has felt unbalanced or ‘over the top’ or has led to negative results and what has felt balanced and positive.

Write about what you feel would be balanced for you during this holiday season. Make a game plan!

May you experience joy, love, peace and balance this holiday season exactly the way you desire it to be!

In Wholeness,

Rachel

Kindness as a Practice

Kindness is both an art form to be mastered as well as a solution for most of our moods. Kindness changes the world in many powerful ways both big and small. One of the most powerful changes that it makes is in our own attitude. You may have heard ‘it is impossible to be miserable when you are grateful’…? Well I believe IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO BE UNHAPPY WHEN YOU ARE GIVING KINDNESS TO OTHERS.

So be generous to others, even that annoying person at work, a stranger in line or that cranky guy in traffic. Be kind and it will bless both their day and yours.

Here is a very simple wellness coaching tool I call ‘finding the beauty in others’ that I use in my book Total Transformation to help people transform their lives.

Exercise:

Finding The Beauty In Others

Today I noticed ________________________________________________________about

_____________________________(someone), and I thought

__________________________________________________________

so I shared with the person the following words ___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

Example: You have beautiful eyes!

It seems simple and it is, but sharing kindness is hugely impactful! Try this out today and see what giving kindness to others adds to their lives and to yours.

photo by Tom

Setting Effective Goals

Screen Shot 2015-08-11 at 5.51.26 PM

I want…

I want…

I want…

This is not an example of an effective goal. 

As an Integrative Life Coach it is my job to help my clients not only set goals but obtain them! Many times we are clear about what we want yet not taking effective actions to achieve or reach our goal. There can be a number of reasons for this, let’s start simple…at the beginning. When we set a goal it is important to know what an effectively set goal looks like. This effective or SMART goal will help bring clarity to what steps will help you reach your goal and be a benchmark for effective versus ineffective actions.

What is an effective goal? In the business & coaching world this can be what is called a SMART goal.

What is a SMART goal exactly?

S = Specific & Simple

M = Measurable & Meaningful TO YOU

A = Achievable

R = Realistic

T = Timed & Moving TOWARDS what you want (versus ‘I don’t want to feel ___’ is not a towards, it’s an away from)

Whenever you set a goal I recommend taking the following steps to help the goal setting and goal getting be successful:

  1. Write out your goal in SMART goal format
  2. Set an intention towards that goal and meditate/visualize what it will be like once it is achieved.
  3. Create task lists based on your SMART goal and…
  4. TAKE ACTION daily!
  5. Let go of the outcome – this one can be challenging…there is a difference between wanting a desired outcome and being attached to a desired outcome. Many times things unfold and as they do they may look different then what you expected. So remain open minded and open hearted as you journey down your path.

May you seek with clarity and take action from a place of love!

Namaste,
Rachel

Copyright Dr. Rachel Dew 2019-2021. All Rights Reserved
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