The third or fourth word that many people learn to speak is either yes or no. The first words are often mamma, dada and if a person has a dog, then dog is number three, followed by yes and no.

Yes and no are two words in the English language we learn early on and use to exercise our power, express our needs and our preferences.

A yes or a no can have a significant effect on how we create what we experience in life. Often this is approached unintentionally from a place that is not rooted in self-love or honesty with oneself.

When we say yes to something we are aligning ourselves with that. A yes is also an invitation for it to be in your life and in a sense, it is agreeing with it. A person, place, thing or situation such as a request or voiced expectation from a loved one, diagnosis from a doctor or even an invitation to go on a date, gives us the opportunity to be intentional about what we allow and create in our lives.

One of my favorite and self-loving things to say is ‘I’m going to say no to this so that I can say yes to something else’. Another favorite is when I am told what I should do, before I say yes to that or agree with it, I allow myself the time and space to consider what has been shared with me as feedback. Then I determine what, if any, of that feedback will be helpful for me to take and incorporate into my life.


Give yourself permission to change your mind. You can try on a yes for size and discover it needs to become a no and vice versa.

When we say yes because we feel like we should, like it is expected of us, but it is not our truthful response, we are essentially stepping out of alignment with our true selves and saying yes to things that conflict with our truth. When we are in conflict, even on an unconscious or subconscious level, it creates chaos, unhappiness and many other problems in our lives.

We have all heard the famous saying ‘be true to thine self’ – however many of us don’t realize the consequences and disconnection from self we experience when we choose to say yes when our truth is a no.

We can still show up for our responsibilities and obligations, however we can do so in ways that do not conflict with our personal values and our authentic truth. Boundaries are helpful in managing this effectively.

In addition to setting healthy boundaries for yourself (not creating rules and controlling others – see my blog on clearing toxic relationships and boundaries) it is also important to ask ourselves the following questions when presented with invitations to make choices and express a yes or a no:

  1. Will saying yes or saying no serve me more?
  2. Will saying yes or saying no lead towards balance and harmony in myself and in my life?
  3. Do I want to say yes or say no? (Be honest with yourself) and then ask yourself ‘Why?’.
  4. Which answer helps me best take care of myself while also showing up for life?
  5. What does my gut say?
  6. What’s the bigger picture? What will saying yes or saying no invite into my life and create, what will it lead away from?

Asking ourselves these questions helps us move beyond any beliefs or perspectives that are limiting us. It helps to step away from expectations that do not serve us (typically self-inflicted expectations) and gain clarity about the bigger picture of what we are creating and moving towards in our lives.

I invite you to let go of that which no longer serves you and to give yourself permission to say yes or to say no. Practicing intentionality towards your yes’s and no’s will empower you to create the life you want and to decrease the stress and negative things impacting your life.

Let all of your answers come from honoring your higher self, your truth. Boldly curate your life with intentional yes’s and intentional no’s.