While PVDSS is not a real disorder, nor meant to poke fun or compare it to PTSD in any way, it is a real feeling that often both couples and singles experience during and after Valentine’s Day. Romance, flowers, and failed expectation, oh my! Let’s talk about this for a minute… many of us have deep emotional desires around love and intimacy in our relationships. Often these desires can lead to focusing on the short comings of our partners versus taking responsibility for our own expectations, self-care, and communication. We can’t change others, but we can change ourselves which often leads to the experience we are seeking to have with others. This seems to get heightened around the holiday that is focused on love and romance. If you find yourself having post Valentine’s Day ‘feels’ around your relationship and/or relationship status here are a few resources:
- Appropriate Expectations & Boundaries
Often projecting expectations that are unrealistic leads to disappointment and hurt feelings. Taking an honest look and assessing whether our own expectations were appropriate, communicated effectively and realistic/achievable is an empowering step to shifting future relationship outcomes. Additionally, setting healthy boundaries around relationships supports a balanced approach to meeting needs and expectations. Check out my blog for a lot more around boundaries HERE!
- Healthy & Effective Communication
How we communicate leads to the results we experience in life and especially in relationships. We can all uplevel our communication. Dig deep into learning more about your communication style and what will increase its efficacy and create more desirable positive impact.
- Resourcing Yourself
If you want to become a master at anything you need to invest time, energy and resources into learning and expanding skills. Here are just a few of the many, many amazing books out there to help you hone your personal relationship skills. Click the title to read more or purchase these books. I have included Amazon links but please consider finding a small local bookstore to purchase from if you are able –
- The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
- Getting the Love You Want Workbook by Hendrix & Hunt
- Getting the Love You Want by Hendrix & Harville
- Fight Right by Gottman & Gottman
- Nonviolent Communication by Rosenberg
- Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson
- Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski, PhD.
- The Five Love Languages by Chapman
- We Over Me by Khandeen & Devale Ellis
- UnF#CK Your Intimacy by Faith Harper, PhD.
- Other Resources
The very best solutions based couples counseling, retreats and classes can be found at The Gottman Institute https://www.gottman.com/
Additionally, here is a Nonviolent Communication Coach I highly recommend www.gailmcmanus.com
- Mental & Emotional Wellness Blogs (to support relationships)
Here are my top few blogs to support with this –